This is a guest post written by the lovely Ellemenoh. Follow her on Twitter @ellemenoh_us
I wear makeup to the gym… And to work, when I’m making a quick grocery run, having dinner with my parents, and even out on an impromptu my-neighbor-just-called-to-see-if-I-can-take-her-dog-out-because-she-flew-out-for-an-interview-this-morning-and-her-return-flight-is-delayed walk (true story).
OK, so I don’t wear a full face of makeup to sweat it out at the gym, but I never leave my house without at least some mascara and lip-gloss. Most days, I wear high heels to work. I’m in skirts and dresses far more than I’m in pants or shorts. I reserve a messy bun for working out or hanging out at home.
I don’t necessarily do these things to impress other people. I do these things because they (1) give me confidence and (2) project the image of a put-together, feminine woman. Of course, femininity is much more than outward appearance, but if a girl can’t even bother to adorn the package with pretty wrapping, who wants to open it and find out what’s inside?
Outward appearance is a projection of how you perceive your own value and how you expect the outside world value you. If you dress like a slob, you are subconsciously letting people know it’s okay to treat you like any other slob walking the streets. If you dress like a high value woman, you’re letting the world know you’re better than ahem basic. I hate that word, but it’s very accurate. If you think outward appearance has no influence on your daily interactions, try donning a flirty dress and heels next time you venture out to run errands. Gauge your reactions from people and compare them to when you walk out wearing “athleisure;” I guarantee you will be treated better – even if it’s just someone making eye contact and smiling when they would normally look down at their feet or phone.
And it’s not just interactions. Your outward appearance can also influence your confidence. Wearing heels to work makes me feel like I can accomplish anything that day. I literally stand taller. On the weekend or days that I work from home, I make sure to put on “real clothes” because I know it directly affects my productivity and motivation levels for the day.
You don’t have to look like a prom queen every time you leave the house, but, as my prim and proper grandmother says, “it’s always better to be the best dressed person in the room.” (Spoiler: my grandma is right about everything.) I stand by the belief that these days it’s easy to stand out as an American woman in the best way. Simply swapping your yoga pants, sneakers, and messy bun for fitted jeans, a blouse, and some pretty jewelry will put you a step above other women the next time you leave the house.
Americans are quick to sacrifice style, class, and modesty for comfort, but if you think proper clothing can’t be comfortable, you’re buying the wrong clothes. (“How to Shop for Clothes” is a topic I think young women could REALLY benefit to hear.) The next time you hop up to make a grocery run, visit a friend, or even take the dog for a walk, think to yourself “how can I improve my look in five to ten minutes?” and then DO IT.
You’re worth that. And if I see you at the gym with mascara on I’ll give you a knowing smile 😉
The lovely Dalia Mogahed with her smug Muslim feminism thought it was cute to post this gem on Facebook yesterday:
Apparently, there are 2,300 or so women roaming around Facebook who liked this post. Honestly, I don’t blame them.
Facebook is a giant circlejerk for women who love to compliment each other on getting that graduate degree because they don’t need no man. And let’s not forget that girl who always bitches about how that creepy construction worker winked at her which was really “sexually assault”.
God forbid a man actually found you attractive! So you’re going to complain about being too sexy and guys are still the problem? Hmm.
Let’s get something straight: there’s nothing wrong with a guy finding you attractive and there’s definitely no reason to hate on men for liking you. Be happy that you someone even found you attractive and be grateful for your youth and beauty.
I have major issues with Dalia and most feminists.
The reality of the situation is that feminism is not about anything but power. Feminism is most certainly about capitalizing off being a victim and then emasculating the same men who have helped them become more than victims.
It’s a trap and there’s no winning when it comes to feminism. If you think otherwise, you’ve been duped.
If you insult women like Dalia, they’ll hate you for it and it will empower them to become more feminist
If you support their charade, these same women will emasculate you for it and still wonder where all the “good men” went (you know, the same douche bags that would give them 0 time of day for being feminists).
Even though times have changed, our human needs have not.
Women have been fooling each other into thinking their degrees from college can make a guy hard, short hair is sexy, and gaining more than a couple pounds is okay because you know being a CEO is way more important than looking good.
As women will become more powerful, their needs will not change. Women will continue to expect their men to provide. I’ve met women in their 30s who are making lots of money and they still want their men to make even more money. Get a girl who makes 200k out of college and she’ll want someone who makes 250k a year. Crazy, I know.
Another problem with Dalia’s way of thinking is how she says all these women are “amazing”. Sounds pretty entitled to me. Maybe to Dalia, they are amazing because being “amazing” means having a 9 to 5, and being a strong, independent college-educated women. There’s lots of women like that around the world especially in America. That’s pretty generic and standard.
But are they nice? Are they fun to be around? Do they smile? Do they even take care of themselves? Are they genuinely pleasant people? Can they even cook or clean? Do they even know how to raise a kid or change a diaper?
I’m surrounded by these girls in college and they’re a drag to be around.
Even I can’t stand being around girls who talk about politics 24/7, swear like a man, and think making money is way more important than starting a family as soon as they finish college. I couldn’t imagining marrying one or even worse, having to have sex with one.
Sometimes, a girl like me just wants to talk about girly stuff like who the cute boys in my class are, what color I should get for my next manicure, and whether I should adopt a lamb or a pig because baby animals are cute.
Is this a thought crime?
Nah. I’m not apologizing for anything.
I honestly feel bad for all these entitled ladies out there who think they deserve a man because they spent thousands of dollars on multiple degrees which is pretty meaningless in the grand scheme of things like one’s happiness.
Masculine men don’t care about the piece of paper you get when you graduate or where you got it from or the amount of hours you spent trying to get there. Masculine men don’t fear successful, intelligent women because well, they’re men.
And the only men that do care about what women are doing or saying are pussywhipped and are the same ones that probably don’t even exist in the eyes of women like Dalia hence the “problem” she clearly is witnessing. No man seems good enough for her or the women around her so she has to emasculate and degrade them for her own gain.
I used to be a slave to my emotions and thought I had it all because I go to a pretty good college. I used to expect men to like me more because of that.
Even though going to a good college and getting an education is a privilege that I’m fortunate to say that I have, there’s more to life.
I think we all are to an extent but we’ve been shamed into thinking that commenting on race makes us racists. It’s kind of pathetic.
It’s just a part of who we are. It’s part of our identity. It just matters on some level. It’s cool to connect with someone who looks like you and shares similar values.
I’ve been Ubering in and out of DC a lot recently to meet up with friends and almost every time I get into one, the driver always asks me where I’m from.
Is that racist?
I don’t really see it as racist. I don’t really even see that as xenophobic either since most of the people who ask me these questions are immigrants and people of color.
Even if they are white, I just assume they’re simply curious not because they think I’m not from here simply based on skin tone all the while knowing that I live in a white-majority country.
Anyway, they had no reason to question my citizenship or status in America since I was born and raised here in NYC, dressed like a Westerner, and sometimes, even sound like a Valley girl.
I mean, when you have long jet-black hair and tan skin you can be mistaken for being Indian, Pakistani, Afghani, Middle Eastern, Latina, and sometimes even Mediterranean so I don’t really blame any of these people regardless of their race.
When you look like me, you probably will not guess that I’m Persian with some Turkish and British blood who has parents from India.
Sometimes, they get it right though.
Most of the time, they don’t but I like to give people some slack. Anyway, if you asked me to differentiate between a German, Irish person, and a Brit or a Chinese and a Korean, from a Japanese person, I would probably guess wrong too.
Is that racist? Nah. A bit ignorant, maybe. At least, I’m honest. Most people would not want to admit to that even though it’s true.
To be fair, I don’t really notice race is most situations. I don’t go out and my mind doesn’t think “This white person walked past me” and “I’m living with an Asian roommate”. It’s usually more like “This guy walked past me” and “I’m living with a roommate”. Their race is tucked away in the back of my mind. I don’t think about it much.
Even when it comes to going out on dates, I never used to care much about race.
My first and only ever boyfriend I had was a blue-eyed German-Irish boy with long blonde hair who was really good at playing multiple instruments. I thought he was a hot version of Kurt Cobain who I desperately wanted to be alive when I was 17 years old.
I know, I know. I was an idiot.
Our relationship did not pan out well not but I would never solely blame it on race because that was only one of the many differences we had.
Ever after him, I continued to date white men usually of German/Irish ancestry because I tend to be surrounded by them. I think I have been attracted to men with blue eyes since I was little and thought they were exotic to me just like how they probably thought I was exotic to them.
Looking back, I don’t really think I was trying to specifically go out of my way to date a specific race or group of men though. It kind of just happens when you’re surrounded by them. I just liked the idea of being with white men even though we didn’t seem to have much in common usually when it came to our mindset as I later found out.
The men I dated liked to eat bacon and drink beer, were way more adventurous than me and my father, and kept dogs which I never had in my home (but I like the idea of having a white lab!).
They usually didn’t seem to know much about their heritage and had a rough idea when I asked them about it, liked sports like swimming, polo, or tennis, and were not really materialistic.
Many worked in the government/military/business, came from a divorced home usually but their parents had remarried at some point or had a boyfriend/girlfriend now, and largely believed in egalitarianism.
On the other hand there was me.
I never ate bacon growing up in a Muslim home nor did I drink, was not really adventurous aside from seeing my father hunt elk, and never had a dog but I thought they were cute.
I loved my Persian heritage and liked to talk about it, grew up with a penchant for wrestling, had family working in medicine or business, and liked soccer and fencing.
I am somewhat materialistic and own some luxury goods, am grateful for having parents married for over 30 years, and grew up around people who could be viewed as largely sexist or classist.
Those weren’t huge deal breakers or anything but when stacked up together, they really made me feel disconnected. After two years of dating, I realized even though many times I was attracted to them physically, there really wasn’t anything else there. It didn’t matter if I went on three dates or thirteen; I just got sick of not being able to bond. I got sick of looking at someone who didn’t look anything like me.
Then again, some of those differences existed because we came from different backgrounds and have a different race but many of those differences stemmed from the fact that we had different mindsets and ways of approaching life.
I’ve gone out on dates with all kinds of white men. Upper class. Lower class. Middle class. Some of them really loved their heritage, knew where they were from, and loved their background. For others, it didn’t matter so much.
I really liked the guys who knew where they came from and loved their heritage and I tended to bond with the ones who are upper middle class just like me. They believed in the same things I did and had the same mindset. That was key.
Like I said, you can’t generalize.
But, when I dated them, for whatever reason, it just did not feel right. When I walked around and saw couples that looked like each other, I remember going out on a date and thinking “What the heck am I doing with this guy?”. I questioned the legitimacy of being with someone of another race when surrounded by people who had partners of their own race who looked like they were practically siblings at cocktail parties.
It didn’t help when people would randomly come up to us on the street and tell us that we looked good together. It didn’t help when the waitress on dates would tell us we looked beautiful. Those compliments sounded forced and automated. I couldn’t help but think they’re crazy.
Or maybe I was a crazy racist.
I did not want to be exotic. I didn’t care about having the hypothetical “beautiful interracial babies” we are supposed to have. I thought that just sounded weird and fetishy. I just wanted to be normal.
I thought 2016 would be different. And so, I tried to date my own kind.
White men weren’t the problem though. It was partially me. I am a bit tribal. I am mostly Persian. I like the idea of dating other Persians all the while living in a white-majority country.
I liked being around them mainly because I’m almost never around them and when I am, it just felt nice. I wanted someone who looked and sounded like me. I wanted someone who just “gets it”.
I wanted someone who could relate with having immigrant parents. I wanted someone to come home to and make chai for. I wanted someone to say “Salam” too. Persians excite me.
I wanted someone who could articulate their views on Islam good and bad and not just say “Oh, they need to be deported. They’re all ISIS. Fuck Islam.” because well, it’s more complicated than that. I didn’t feel like I need to explain these things to someone I’m with.
But, that does not negate the fact that white guys can be pretty good-looking or take good care of their women. I mean, I do not hate white guys nor will I ever.
My father’s great-grandparents are British and most people in my family are well integrated into the US because they went on and married outside their race. They did not just want to form a little enclave and network within.
I think white guys are fun to hang around, have a good sense of humor, and tend to be more open about dating and stuff than some of the Persian men I know.
I just figured most white men probably would date their own so I never used to even bother dating them. The idea of it sounded cool. The reality, not so much. I mean why wouldn’t someone want to date their own kind? Why wouldn’t someone want to be with someone like them? This isn’t even about race. It’s simple: like attracts like.
According to a Pew Research Center survey from 2008, I wasn’t wrong to think how I do. I mean, whites are the least likely to marry outside their race. But they don’t seem to be too tribal when it comes to dating in liberal cities DC or in NYC as I have seen. Marriage is different though and a much bigger commitment.
And so I did go on to date someone who was more like me. Unsurprisingly, our chemistry was unbelievable. I didn’t feel weird about spending time with him and he didn’t feel weird wanting to introduce me to his family. I was pretty surprised when he used to talk about his family because I had never really reached that point with other guys I’ve dated in the past.
When we’d walk around together, it did feel normal although we had other issues and haven’t stayed together, I definitely did feel somewhat better about dating my own.
I felt at ease and didn’t feel like every time I would go one step forward, I would go one step back. There was always this reluctance I had with dating outside my own race. It just felt odd and fleeting.
Would I date one for marriage? I don’t know.
Race for me is not a deciding factor at this point. It isn’t something I think about much when their mindset matters to me way more.
I’ve gone out with several people outside my race and within my race to come to the realization that their mindset is way more important than their race. I’ve dated people within my race that I had 0 connection with because of the way they carried themselves. And I’ve also dated people outside my race for the same exact reason.
But, I will say this:
I think it’s important to integrate into America which is mostly white and marrying one can be an essential part of the melting process in this giant melting pot.
I don’t really want to balkanize America and form my own ethnic enclave so my kids end up hating white people or majority of America because we choose to put our racial identity first. My nation is more important than my race and I refused to put my race first.
I also think that melting into the melting pot is part of a sacrifice that immigrants should make to pay homage to the people who came before us.
My father didn’t come here to make up his own laws. He knew he had to learn English and that he would be mostly surrounded by mostly white people. After all, America was 90% white in 1970.
I think most immigrants who came here know this but don’t want to admit it. Lots of cognitive dissonance at work.
At the same time, I don’t want to forget my roots or where I came from. I think Indian clothes is beautiful. I think naming your child Xerxes is awesome. Zoroastrianism is pretty interesting to learn about as well. To this day, I still prefer eating Persian food on the reg.
But I also do not want to be shamed for dating a white guy by people of my own kind because “I gave up on them” and be called a white supremacist or whatever nasty word they hurl at me.
Let’s be real. Not all white people are Nazis and not all Muslims are ISIS. Generalizations are pointless when describing large groups of people.
I don’t think people should be indoctrinated to engage in interracial dating because dating outside your race is more “exotic” or “cool” for doing so. At the same time, I don’t think marrying outside your race is inherently a bad thing and people don’t need to be shamed for doing so.
If I’ve learned anything in the last few years, it is that mindset is key. I care more about a person’s outlook on life than their skin color but I wouldn’t shame someone for thinking otherwise to take the higher moral ground.
I was feeling crappy today. Didn’t want to get out of bed. Woke up with the sniffles. The last thing I wanted to do was wear my nude Steve Madden heels.
But I did it anyway.
I thought people were going to judge me and think I was a bitch. I mean, maybe they did think that but at least I was a “bitch” with good shoes.
I got up. Slipped on my pair of nude heels and headed to class. Mind you, these are the heels I wear to formals and social gatherings not something I would wear for casual occasions.
Got into the elevator. Girl next to me looked slightly intimidated but impressed. They were more willing to ask me which floor I was going to while guys seem to hold the door for me more often. As I walked around campus, guys definitely glanced more and smiled.
Wearing heels definitely makes you the center of attention.
One girl even came up to me while I was on line waiting for my food and asked me where I got my shoes from. It’s a good conversation starter and girls will look up to you. Feminine girls will come up to you and you will attract them like a magnet.
Guys will like you because you look like you actually cared about appearance and seem more dateable than a girl wearing an old pair of Lululemon’s. Just remember that men are not intimidated by well-dressed women.
I think a lot of American people in general prioritize comfort instead of fashion. This isn’t really exclusive to women either. It also explains why brands like Orvis, Uggs, Patagonia, North Face, Vineyard Vines, Ralph Lauren, Nike, Levi’s, and New Balance are popular. They appeal to people who are practical and rarely ever would think they need to wear 5-inch-heels when running around doing errands.
I mean I get it. I like wearing neon sneakers and Nike leggings too. It just makes life easier.
But, I think heels are fun.
They make me walk slowly even though many working women are in a rush and feel more feminine and carefree. They make me worry less about the 3 pm meeting which will probably be a snoozefest and more about how I look in public. Heels also make me feel more self-conscious and vulnerable to men.
I rarely ever see girls wear heels unless they’re on their way to an interview, at a formal work thing, or at a club. Most American girls don’t just get up and wear heels just because. There’s always a reason. That kinda sucks the fun out of wearing them because it’s not spontaneous anymore.
And many don’t wear the sexy kind or can properly walk in 2+ inch heels. They’re like kitten heels or whatever. Lame. But hey, I’ll take some heel over no heel, most of the time.
I guess, not everyone is as lucky as me but I’ve been wearing heels since I was 13-years-old. I started off with one inch heels and can now easily wear heels that are four to five inches in the daytime with zero issues. Even in high school, I wore boots with three inch heels while the other girls came in with flat boots or Doc Martens and they thought i was crazy.
If you’re changing up your wardrobe, heels are a good thing. Sure, they’re painful and annoying to walk in but it’s worth the benefits you get from the aura you create.
So, if you’re ever having a bad day. Slip on a pair of heels and wear a Dr. Scholl’s insert if you have to. They might seem impractical and you might feel like you don’t need to be wearing them but it will boost your self esteem even if people think you’re crazy for dressing up.
Four years ago, I got into a top college in DC with a scholarship.
I was on the wait list for Wellesley, a liberal feminist’s wet dream, but in retrospect, I’m glad I didn’t get in or this blog would not exist. Who knows? Maybe, I would be ten times uglier or even have short blue hair. Even thinking about it makes me want to vomit.
Obviously, as a 17-year-old girl I was excited to leave my home and start somewhere new just like every other American kid. I won’t lie though; I was practically a baby. I only knew how to bake vanilla cakes from scratch which was a useless skill to have since I did not even have a kitchen my freshman year. Oh, and I knew that I had to separate my whites from my colored clothes when doing laundry.
My father wasn’t happy for obvious reasons and my parents really wondered if I could survive here with all the drinking, partying, drugs, and boys, of course. I somehow convinced them that I would be able to live in a city on my own without them even against my father’s will. My mom supported me though but she’s definitely more of a liberal when it comes to these kinds of things.
So off I went.
At the time, I was somewhat familiar with Return of Kings because I had come across this guide to rate girls from this article which I found on the MISC section of bodybuilding.com. Don’t ask me why I was into MISC but the idea of being able to see and read the thoughts of guys was pretty cool since I never even went on a date with a guy in high school or really had any male friends.
I had read a couple of articles on RoK like this one and this one after doing a quick Google search on DC. I just figured RoK was a clickbait website and didn’t take it too seriously. And at the time, I had no idea who this Roosh guy was but he seemed like a Persian troll to me.
I went into DC with an open mind even after reading those articles but a lot of things he has said are true.
Even though I am in college, I’ve met tons of people who live around here who are older or in the area.
Personally, I don’t think the guys are that bad if you’re into white guys who have a preppy style (think Vineyard Vines, Ralph Lauren, boat shoes) or men who regularly wear an ill-fitted suit and tie (suits are still kinda sexy if they don’t fit). I’ve also seen lots of younger men have a hipster style (think big glasses, tight jeans, weird hair) which I’m not really into around U Street, Adams Morgan, and at American/GWU.
The guys can be fratty prepsters who look like they are working or want to work at a big law firm. Some other guys look like beta shitlibs. I wasn’t really a fan of either look to be honest.
The guys here aren’t as well-dressed as the ones I know of in NYC but it’s not the most important thing that I look for when considering a guy. Again, it varies.
A lot of the guys are unfortunately feminine but I don’t think that’s exclusive to DC. It’s just that a lot of them support things like abortion and being pro-choice and aren’t conservative or know how to use a gun. Also, gay culture is pretty big here and there’s tons of gay men in Dupont Circle.
Finding masculine men is as hard as it is to find a feminine woman and the people who do seem to fit their traditional gender roles are internationals (think au pairs, ambassadors, tourists) or military guys who are unfit for long-term relationships, unfortunately.
PUA or pick-up artist scene here is definitely a thing. I’ve been asked several times by random men on the street doing day game if they wanted to date me. Obviously, I knew what they were up to so I declined politely and several even admitted to having a goal of meeting “100 women”. I’ve also seen some of them hanging around Saturday afternoon by the Dupont Circle fountain (not sure if that’s there meet up place) but just sayin’.
Personally, that’s fine with me. It’s good that there are men who want to improve their dating skills and I won’t judge ’em for it but dating a PUA is not for me. They can play their game with someone else 😉
On the other hand, the girls here are super liberal and create a noxious environment for everyone which is why I don’t really hang out with them. I had no idea how many of these women are so passionate about social justice issues none of which I’m that into. Then again, this is DC and people come here thinking they’ll change the world so I guess it’s idiotic to think otherwise.
Every time I go to the Hill, the women look like miserable career chicks doing the 9 to 5 grind. I rarely ever see girls here smile and they don’t really look too good in their all black pantsuits either.
Coming from NYC, the women and men here are not as attractive nor try to be. Girls here care more about the white man killing off Native Americans than what’s on sale in the makeup section at CVS. I rarely ever see well-dressed people unless they’re going out to a formal nor do the girls wear makeup or heels. They just don’t look feminine when they choose to wear LuluLemon yoga pants or their oversized, Canada Goose jackets which are in style now. It’s more about brands and labels than it is about looking like a girl – something I never really liked about DC women.
Even when girls do go out, I feel like a lot of them look trashy in their weird dresses with cutouts and crop tops they bought from Forever 21.
A lot of the girls I know here have evolved. They’ve gone from being somewhat girly, somewhat awkward teenagers to having tattoos and getting piercings in their 20s. Also, I’ve noticed that a lot of girls hipster or not have a nose ring. It’s just weird.
In the summer time, it is not as bad since I see more girls wearing dresses but a lot of them choose to wear t-shirt and shorts with flip flops. Personally, I don’t like wearing flip flops because it looks sloppy and would rather wear wedges, at least if not heels!
The only thing that I like here is that everyone seems to be physically active and by that I mean, everyone does a lot of cardio or runs. I barely ever see fat people but I do see lots of skinny fat people who aren’t exactly fit or fat. It’s not bad though.
The Dating Scene
Dating here is kind of a mess and varies a lot. I’ve seen men with 0 social skills or “game” give out their business cards to girls thinking they would be impressed because they work at some law firm on K Street. It’s kind of pathetic how dating can be treated like a business transaction but hey, you gotta do what you gotta do.
I’ve seen just as many unenthusiastic women who literally hate men and feel like they deserve Channing Tatum to ask them out on a date in Georgetown. There’s more women to men and DC has the highest female to male ratio in the country which should make it more competitive for women but in reality, girls here don’t really try and guys probably have given up at this point.
Getting married before 25 in DC is pretty weird and generally not a good thing because grrrrl power. I don’t know how many my own friends told me I was crazy for wanting to settle down at 21.
Tinder here is pretty big. I don’t know about the other dating apps but if you’re a girl, there’s lots of military guys on there. Lots of girls that I know of hook up with guys on the app since meeting people in DC is kinda hard if you’re a girl with like 1000 gay guy friends.
I’ve also noticed that a lot of people here don’t seem to prioritize dating as much because if you’re young, you’re expected to care more about your career. DC definitely does attract career women who think they do not need a man. These same women end up becoming 30 or worse yet, 40 sitting next to me in a coffee shop asking their girlfriend where all the good men went. I never know if I should feel bad for them or not.
I was pretty surprised to meet girls with such high number counts. I’m graduating college and although most of my friends haven’t really been in a relationship. Most of them have gone out on dates or just hooked up with guys but it was never anything serious. If you’re a young woman, I’d date older guys (not exclusively a DC thing of course) because you would probably have better luck with them.
Also, if you can, get out of DC and date people who either live in DC permanently or in Maryland or Virginia if you want something more stable. I always felt like a lot of young people my age are always on the move or in DC for an internship on the Hill, their government job, or because they go to college here which wasn’t the greatest for a relationship. The timing wasn’t great but I guess that’s life.
I’ve seen lots of interracial couples here. DC is definitely way more liberal than NYC. I’ve never had issues going out on dates with people of other races and I’ve been complimented more often than not for being with someone of another race. If that’s your thang, you might find a lucky someone here.
The Social Justice Warriors
SJWs ruin everything.
These days, I can’t even go on Facebook without scrolling through rants about the wage gap, how Mr. Whitey has so much privilege, or how birth control is a super important woman’s health issue.
I mean, I don’t know about you guys but I go on Facebook to look at pictures of my friends and cute dogs at the local animal shelter. I’m not there for politics. Unfortunately, after going to a super liberal university for four years, everyone feels the need to say something because they’re social justice warriors.
Here’s some examples of what I have to put up :
I don’t even bother going on Facebook to look at pics of my friends because so many of them take low quality pics of themselves drunk at Sign of the Whale (a local bar) or have cut their hair so short that they’ve literally become ugly.
Why would I want to see any of this? Although I’ll admit that I lowkey do like to see feminists self-destruct even though some of my classmates are ugly now 😦
Anyway, I can’t wait to leave this crazy leftist paradise. It’s been hell for me.
I’ve come to the fact that most American women are, dare I say, somewhat delusional?
Now, hear me out here. Before you start calling me names, I’ll let you know that I’m not totally insane.
And I’ll admit to it myself, I used to be pretty delusional myself. I’m not as bad anymore, but I have my moments.
When you’re getting hundreds of likes for a sub par profile picture on Facebook while most men on average are probably getting 10-20 (if that even), you’re going to think pretty highly of yourself and you probably won’t question yourself.
Self-confidence is good. Loving yourself is good.
But we need to be realistic with ourselves.
There’s a difference.
So if you think you’re a 10/10, unless your name is Candice Swanepoel or some other Victoria’s Secret model and you’re reading my blog, you’re probably living in your own little world and you NEED to keep reading.
Still don’t get what I’m talking about?
Ask yourself this:
When was the last time you were critiqued by a man about your looks, appearance, and the way you carry yourself?
If you’re a woman living in America, this has probably never happened to you. That’s because if a guy did that, he would be in big, big trouble.
Also, ask yourself this:
When was the last time you critiqued your own looks, appearance, and the way you carry yourself?
If you’re a young lady and never have had to critique yourself because all you hear is positive stuff 24/7, you are probably living your life as a lie. Luckily enough, we can fix this.
It’s unfortunate that most men in America these days can’t even critique a girl without having his masculinity in some way shape or form insulted.
Don’t believe me, still?
When Kanye West made fun of Amber Rose for sleeping around a lot, her response wasn’t “Hey, knock it off, bud!” or “I’m not a slut!” (even those are mild compared to what she actually said). Instead she went on to insult Kanye’s masculinity. Bad move! Very unfeminine!
Still don’t believe me?
When Donald Trump called Hillary Clinton a “nasty woman”, most American women decided to embrace it and make art exhibits to raise money for Planned Parenthood, which kills babies (but shh, it’s a zygote so it doesn’t matter, right. WRONG!).
Women wanted to be nasty and identified that way. How unfeminine have we become? Even though at times, our President Donald Trump might use caustic language, why would I ever want to be a nasty woman?
Even Elizabeth Warren co-opted the term “nasty woman” and associated it with being tough, smart, and ones who vote.
To be honest, I would NEVER want to be a nasty woman. Who cares about being strong or looking like Liz Warren who comes off as a bitter, career woman.
The worst part is, is that this all has a trickle down effect when it comes to dating. Men and women in America are now more hostile towards each other. Men now have to be politically correct while women just benefit from the system since they are beginning to have more control than ever.
It’s gotten so bad that this probably would happen if a guy critiqued a girl about her weight in America:
Daniel: Wow, you’re a couple pounds overweight. Don’t you think you should lose some of it?
Becky (screaming): UGH HOW DARE YOU PIECE OF SHIT. YOU’RE NOT A MAN. YOUR MOTHER DIDN’T RAISE YOU RIGHT. YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO RIGHT TO INSULT ME. I’M A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DO NOT NEED YOU, DO YOU UNDERSTAND? I’M A 10/10 YOU CAN’T GET ANYONE BETTER THAN ME.
Daniel: Well, sorry! I just thought it’d be good for your health.
Becky: *throws glass of water at him and exits bar to have a wine night with Maddie, Christine, and Lauren so they can talk about how much they hate men*
Becky could have just been not as aggressive but instead threw a temper tantrum which is pretty immature. The ideal thing Becky could have done is listened to Daniel and take his advice. Her submitting to the fact that a man wants a thinner woman and yielding to him is quite feminine.
Let’s face it, ladies: being a woman in America has become a lot easier.
Guys don’t expect that much stuff from us. And when they do, we lash out at them for it. Now, don’t get me wrong, if a guy is being an asshole to you for no reason, dump him. But if he wants you to look nice, be thin, and pretty that’s not a lot to ask for.
When you have hideous creatures like Lena Dunham and Amy Schumer (which literally no one finds funny by the way) roaming around being praised for pretty much just existing, we begin to lose sight of our value.
Here was 2016’s Pirelli calendar featuring Amy Schumer and Serena Williams. I’ve never met any woman or man who finds either of them attractive but because their female bodies have become normalized, we are now forced to accept them without critiquing them. There is nothing wrong with either of their bodies except the fact that as women in America, we are forced to accept that these are what women should aspire to.
Amy Schumer looks horrendous. First of all, she’s naked so I’m already not a fan but the fact that she has fat rolls is even more gross. She comes off as immodest and masculine.
In the past, we’ve had world-class, gorgeous 6 ft tall models including Gisele Bundchen, Miranda Kerr, Heidi Klum and others. These girls are stunning and have impeccable bodies.
Heidi Klum seems nice and feminine and shy while Amy Schumer looks like she could careless about having fat rolls. Gross!
Being naked isn’t that feminine anyway but Heidi Klum’s approach to it is more feminine than Amy’s.
So the real question is, how can we as American women fix our flaws? Well, first of all, we have to understand that yes, we do have flaws. They exist.
I’ve had over 30 guys message me or reply to me about things they just don’t like about us. Some of these things may apply to you and others might not. There’s a lot of truth in this but get ready for some criticism.
Common Complaints American Men have for American Women
“I like girls who are smart, enjoy girly shit, aren’t vulgar, and want to support me, not compete with me.”
“They are uncultured”
“Low self esteem, no father figures, no standards”
“Needing too many facebook affirmations and not forming real support groups of friends.”
“They actually believe a career will be more fulfilling than being a wife and mother.”
“Sleep around a lot”
“They’re barely in their teenage years and already consider themselves as grown women. Wisdom comes with books not with sleeping around”
“Most of them are brainwashed by feminism”
“They have manly voices”
“Sloppy appearance and swearing”
“Women were taught and praised to be proper, clean, elegant and now they don’t have to anymore”
“They don’t respect me”
“Too much makeup”
“Bad skin and are heavy set”
“Aren’t committed to men,need a new guy all the time”
“Spends too much time on Tinder, Bumble, Facebook”
“Girls lead me on when they’re already in relationships or married and waste my time”
“They don’t act like they need me.”
“Too fat and don’t care about their weight”
“They have a strong sense of entitlement and lack humility”
“Do not compromise with me”
“Do not listen to me”
“They can’t cook or clean so why should I bother?”
“I am a successful man. All I want is someone who can take care of the home and take care of me”
I know this might be a shock to some of you but if you made it to this point, I’m happy for you. A little criticism can go a long way.
Now, we can now start on the next step: self-improvement and fixing everything.
When I was 17 years old and entering college, I’ll be honest with you – I had no idea what I was doing. This was the first time in my life I had to live with roommates who I didn’t know, do my own laundry, clean up my entire room, and be expected to be completely responsible for myself.
As for guys, I never dated anyone in high school. I didn’t even go to prom.
I grew up in a pretty conservative household and “dating” wasn’t an option. I never really even talked to boys in high school or had male friends.
My parents would always buy clothes for me until I was in college and I was pretty much stuck wearing Converses, long-sleeve t-shirts, and jeans. Of course, I could have put in more effort into my appearance but my parents didn’t really let me wear anything revealing like shorts so I just didn’t even bother buying nicer clothes.
I don’t really think I was really even attractive to boys back then. I didn’t know how to be feminine or really even talk to them let alone flirt.
So, by the time I got to college, I had to figure out the answer to a lot of these things:
-How do I talk to boys and make them like me?
-What should I do about my appearance to be attractive to men?
-How do I carry myself so guys like me?
-What should I do if a guy wants to have sex with me? How do I get him to like me without having sex with him?
Since I grew up in a pretty conservative household, I figured that I didn’t want to sleep with every guy I met or every guy I went on a date with. I wasn’t raised with those values so sleeping around wasn’t really an option.
But then what do I do about guys who were buying me dinner, seemed genuinely into me, and could be boyfriend material?
I still remember the first week of college. I was living in a co-ed dorm and I was meeting tons of guys.
That following Friday, a cute Jewish guy asked me out on a date. I accepted. He took me out to a nice Indian restaurant. It was quite lovely! I never been on a date before then. He even paid for my meal. I was so shocked that men do things like that. I thought I had to pay. I told him he was sweet and then we went our separate ways but we continued to text each other throughout the year.
But he wasn’t the only guy who wanted to take my out on dates. There were about 5 other guys like him. I never entertained the option to date other guys while I was dating him because it would just seem too overwhelming and I wanted to just be with that guy so I could give him a fair chance to know him.
Turns out, the cute Jewish boy ended up getting into a fraternity and was loaded with $$$. He took a lot of girls out on dates just like me and when I found out, 17-year-old me was pretty defeated.
I thought I was special. I thought I was amazing. I was so honored to go out on a date with him. I’m glad we never did anything. We never even kissed so I didn’t feel bad about going out on dates even though I did feel slightly cheated.
For any girl who is 17-21 reading this or for any father who has a daughter within that age range or younger (since I know Americans date even in high school), I would strongly recommend that you do not sleep with anyone during these years for several reasons.
The guy you meet could be dating other women and not too serious. When I was 17, I was dating other 17-year-old guys. To be fair, 17-year-olds aren’t trustworthy and you really have no idea what is going on in their heads. You can’t even trust yourself because you probably don’t even know what you’re doing.
The guy you meet is probably not the one you want to spend the rest of your life with. Sure, some of you might have high school sweethearts and have been together for several years. I’m not really sure what you would do in those situations but I have many friends who are graduating college now and have broken up with the guys they’ve been seeing since freshman year. Honestly, I don’t know why you would want to be invested in someone so much at such a young age, but hey, you do you.
You don’t even know what you want. This takes time and sure, we all want someone who looks like Channing Tatum but we’re still developing and we don’t even know who we are let alone what we’re eating for dinner tomorrow night.
The guy you meet can and will use your sex. If you’re 17-21, you’re a hot young thang, in your prime. Why use your beauty just so some dirtbag will not even respect you the morning after? Use your beauty wisely, on men who really want you for the long run.
You will regret it if it doesn’t work out. You’ll hate yourself and have a wine night with your friends sobbing over why Rob didn’t text you back the morning after. Not only did you ruin your evening, Rob probably never cared about you and is hooking up with someone new. Why go through all of this? Seems a bit pointless!
You might end up hating all men because of one douchecanoe. So you ended up doing things with a guy and it didn’t work out so you decide to chop off your hair or do something else that’s super self-destructive? Don’t put yourself through that and yes, not all men are evil.
You get a reputation for being a hoe. This probably doesn’t happen if you sleep with one guy but I do know of girls who were caught sleeping with the wrong guy and were branded as hoes or sluts which is totally unfair. Life sucks. Be careful. Don’t do this to yourself and ruin your identity. People always wanna see you fall.
So now you’re probably wondering: Well, I’m in my prime. I want to have fun, I don’t want to deal with guys screwing me over or using me for sex, but I also want to get to know them better. What do I do?
The answer is simple: Date men but do not sleep with them. This is not easy though because most men at some point, especially after the third date will want to have sex with you. If you don’t give them that, they will probably leave.
But guess what, ladies? If he leaves you for not having sex with him, good for you! You have eliminated a douchecanoe who will never be part of your future and that’s okay. It is okay to not have sex with him. He probably didn’t care about you that much anyway. Keep a good head on your shoulders and eliminate these men wisely.
Another tactic that I used to survive the last four years was that if a guy pressured to have sex with me, I told them they could sleep with other women while I went out on dates with him.
I did this for men who I was on the fence about and didn’t really know if I saw a future with (which was all the guys I went out on dates with). I figured if sex was so important to a guy, then I’d let them have it but I just didn’t want to go through the trouble of figuring out if he would use me or not.
So I would continue to go out on dates with him, figure out what I liked and disliked about him, and further develop my list of things I wanted in a future man.
Anyway, I knew at the end of the day, I would probably not end up marrying any of these men but I still wanted to develop my dating skills and figure out how to take care of men, treat men with respect on these dates, and figure out who these men were as people. I used these dates as training sessions for the future man that I’m saving myself for. I also baked and cooked for these guys which helped better those skills too.
I think a lot of young women are in this position and to be honest, I think most of us don’t realize that we do not have to sleep with tons of guys to figure out if he likes us or not. Men will always want sex from you. It is your prerogative as to whether you want to give it to him.