Many women in their 20s waste a lot of their time on the self-proclaimed cock carousel where they lose themselves and their lives to nothing but partying, drugs, and obviously, sex just to wait around till they think they’re ready for a man who is ready to handle the shit show you have become.
Even though I am only 21, I myself admit to wasting time for the last two years. Even though I never had sex with any of these men, I wasted time and energy on men who I would never marry. I made out with them. Naively, I brought them back to my room without thinking they would expect sex. I spent time making food for them in hopes of changing their minds and possibly convincing them to LTR me. I took care of them. I tried to be the best woman I could be for them even after they admitted that they didn’t want anything more than a hook-up. I did everything I could to make them happy even though in the back of my mind, I knew I could not bring these men home to my family. Alpha men. Some alphas with beta qualities even. Bodybuilders. Party boys. Heavy drinkers. Navy men who were on the move. Military men who were about to get deployed. Older men who had no intention of settling down. Men outside of my race. Heck, I even dated a Nazi and I’m not even white. I kept on trying to put a square peg in a circle hole and it just did not work.
After nearly two years, I got sick and tired of men and I realized that I needed to take a break for myself and for my sanity.
For the last six months, I’ve been focusing on myself. I’ve gotten rid of my acne. I’m trying to drink and eat better. I even gave up hard liquor but I don’t mind having an occasional glass of wine with dinner. I started getting into keto which I stick to so my skin doesn’t break out. I started figuring out the kind of person I wanted to present myself as. I sold my old wardrobe, made money from it, and bought better quality clothes that was more feminine. I learned about how to take better care of my skin and myself in general. I got rid of all the men on my phone who weren’t my brother or my father. I realized what life was like without male attention. I got rid of all my accounts on online dating profiles since they were getting nowhere. I stopped answering the late night texts I’d get – like the “what’s up?” ones I’d get at 11 pm. I got into fencing. I began to rebuild my friend circle. I stopped surrounding myself by crass, masculine women who loved to drink and party.
After six months of just focusing on myself, I’m still skeptical about men but I’m slowly going back into dating. I feel more aware and I consciously think about everything I say and each interaction I have about every man whether they’re potential LTR/marriage material or not. I’ve begun to date for marriage and because of that I stopped entertaining the idea of interracial dating since my family won’t approve. Now, I ask my dates what they want out of their dating experience. When they tell me they don’t want anything serious, it’s a red flag. If they say that they’re not sure yet and want to see if there’s a potential for a relationship, I look at how they treat me and if they try to escalate to sex quickly, I end things unless they offer exclusivity. If they say they want an LTR and are interested in marriage, it’s a green light and I continue to date them.
If you’re reading this regardless of your age but especially if you’re young and in your 20s, stop wasting time hooking up, partying at bars, and going to the local happy hour because honestly, you will more than likely not find your future husband at any of these places. Start to work on your intentions and start doing things to reflect those intentions. Your future husband won’t want a woman who curses like a sailor, is not feminine, and sleeps around constantly.
You don’t have to spend fifteen years to have fun. You don’t have to be that woman. You don’t have to have a negative attitude towards men because not all men suck. And yes, for God’s sake, it is okay for a woman to have her life together, want kids, and support her husband. You won’t be missing out on your “fun days” because you decided to get married and have kids. Marriage is not the end – it’s only the beginning.