My roommates already left for Thanksgiving. It’s 9 pm and I’m the only one in my entire dorm.
I decided to call my Mom earlier to deal with the solitude. We Facetimed for two hours. I washed my hair, blow dried it, and straightened it. Washed my face. Repainted my toes. Finished packing my bags. Cleaned the kitchen table tops, vacuumed the floor, and wiped off the tables. The usual.
It got me thinking about what the world would be like if I was living in my room alone with no roommates to deal with. It would just me, myself, and I. For the first time, there were no distractions and I thought about the future and what I wanted from it. I thought about me and my life. I thought about how independent we really are as people in our lives even though there are tons of people in life that we need to deal with.
I felt alone. Real alone because I was the last one standing. I realized I should have achieved more this semester and I should not have made excuses for myself. I also came to a closer realization of what I want to be and how I want to be that person.
In the future, I want to be a wife with pretty long hair and a big family to come to. I want to be a sweetheart. I want to get married. I want a husband to take care of and a family of at least three and up to five. I want to have curls in my hair and hair up to my back. I want to put bows in my hair without looking childish.
I want to wear long mid-length skirts and gowns with sequins on them when we go out together. I want to be attractive and I honestly would not mind being the more attractive one in the relationship, haha.
I want to pray more.
I want to be good at makeup but I want to have good, clear skin.
I want to pay more attention to details.
Oh, and I want to be good at taking pictures not like the crappy ones I see of girls in crop tops and poorly taken selfies. I want to live in color.
I want to be a bit of health nut with a 24-inch waist line kinda like the one I have right now. I want to get better at doing yoga and drink VOSS water. I want to lift more so every time I have to put my carry on in the overhead, I can actually do it without struggling.
I don’t want to give up my career but if I had a successful husband who wanted me to give it up, I would give it up for him. For us. I want to be successful even though I want my family and my husband to come first. I want to have an organic makeup or skincare line. I want to go to DO school or MD school if I can get into one.
I just want to be happy.