Earlier last week, I was invited to my friend’s 21st birthday and I decided to go out to dinner. My friend was dating this enlisted guy in the Navy for the past four months and he had a friend named D. He ended up showing up an hour later and he had this reputation for getting super drunk and vomiting strawberry margaritas all over my friend’s place. I wasn’t exactly impressed or excited to meet this guy but it ended up happening kinda.
He came to the dinner table an hour late and he seemed pretty charismatic and friendly. He was the kinda guy people just remembered and kinda lit up the room. He was also pretty tall and muscular. I wasn’t really into his personality but he seemed pretty nice to me.
I guess I was kinda cold that night to him. I didn’t end up talking much to him. Anyway, I wasn’t trying to get with anyone and finals were coming up so I didn’t bother.
That night, I was wearing this cute poncho (the same exact one featured below) that I bought online and he complimented me on it. He thought it looked cool.
At the end of the night, I was kinda tipsy and my friends wanted to go out to a bar to celebrate. I had to call it quits early and I ended up leaving. As I was about to leave, D asked me for my number because he said he wanted to make sure I got home safe. I gave him my number and I thought that was caring of him.
I got home. I told him thanks for asking and then he asked me if I was free the day after. I gave him a shot and he picked me up at my place which was pretty sweet and even bought us tickets to go see the new Hunger Games movie. It was cute. I was impressed. I ended up buying us a giant pizza and shared it with him and we talked for three hours about politics and international affairs. He told me I wasn’t like other girls and he liked me because I had such a positive outlook on life. He also told me that he doesn’t drink much. He didn’t seem like much of a party boy.
On the second date, he wanted to go see an opera but he got stuck in traffic and seemed pointless to go late so we ended up driving around and we talked about our families, backgrounds, and politics. We kissed a bit in his car. He gave me flowers. I baked him a fresh batch of cookies. This was the first time I had ever gotten flowers from a guy, and I was not expecting that to happen at all from 6’4, funny, blue-eyed Navy dude.
I thought I was in love but I had to be rational about it. He told me he was only stationed here till February. He also told me he wanted to be my boyfriend. He even told me he bought me another gift.
I had to make a decision. I realized even though I wanted the gift and I loved spending time with him, I also couldn’t just continue to date him if he was going to leave in a month. It didn’t seem worth it. He even proposed the idea of long-distance when he’s stationed in Illinois. I realized I didn’t have that kind of loyalty and I figured I had to be loyal to him by being honest first. I also realized that too much was happening too fast and I didn’t think it’d be fair to string him along.
I didn’t want to be the kinda girl who has a boyfriend abroad who sleeps and dates other men. The attention would have been nice but after being cheated on, it just didn’t seem worth it.
I also realized that there are good men out there who are willing to take me out on a date, compliment me on how beautiful I am, pick me up at my place, and are pretty masculine.
I loved how he liked talking about politics. I liked how he had an opinion on things. I liked how protective he was of me. I liked how he seemed like an asshole on the outside but he wasn’t to me. I liked how Libertarian he was. I liked how he was tall and twice my size. I liked how even though I never thought I could attract that kinda guy, maybe I could. I liked how he’d send me good morning texts. I liked how we kissed each other. I liked how he’d pick me up randomly. I liked how we supported each other. I liked how when he bought me flowers, I made him cookies. I liked being with him. I liked him so much I realized I needed to be honest with him. I liked liking him because he is a nice person and even though there are so many bad stories about beta nice guys on the Manosphere, I would be this man’s girlfriend. I also liked being a “nice girl” to a “nice guy” because people I just didn’t find comfort in someone who found solace in only partying. And I liked how much I valued myself because I realized I could set standards for myself and still be happy.
But I hate that I can love him but not be with him. I guess it’s something I’ll have to live with.
So I ended things. Did it over text too. Kinda wish I had called. And he responded a couple hours later.
He said it was “Alright”.
Guess, it was “alright” at the end of the day.