On Learning from Past Failures


Valentine’s day is coming up and I’m happy to say that I’m in a somewhat better place than I was a year ago.

About a year ago, I was dating this guy and I ended up finding out he was cheating on me. I didn’t even think guys could cheat and I thought I was falling in love for the first time ever, so that pretty much killed it for me.

Afterwards, it definitely brought out the worst in me. I felt more insecure about pretty much everything.

A year ago, I was desperate for love.

A year ago, I didn’t have the hobbies I do now.

A year ago, I had no understanding about the woman I needed to be for the man I wanted.

A year ago, I still drank alcohol and went out to parties in hopes that maybe I could find Mr. Right the American way.

A year ago, I wasn’t good at cooking or baking. I pretty much ordered in food as much as I could.

A year ago, I didn’t really branch out. I kept to myself and stuck myself with people I was around. I wasn’t really experiencing anything new.


A year later, I’m still single. I’ve given up on online dating at the start of the school year because it just gave me false hopes about ever getting the man I needed: someone moral, someone preferably Muslim.

Things haven’t been perfect outside of being single either. A couple months ago, I found out my mom had an abortion. I also, failed organic chemistry twice and now might lose my scholarship because of it.

But, a year later, I feel newer. I feel revived. I feel like I’m trying to branch out more, get more people from my college, read books, go out to dinners, take more risks by doing different things like surfing and fencing, and taking better care of myself. This year, I’ve been spending more time eating breakfast in the morning and spending one hour to get ready. Last year, I would just wake up and go to class. Terrible, I know.

Even though I don’t have a valentine for Valentine’s day and I’m single and not dating anyone, weirdly enough, I feel satisfied with myself.

I don’t want to be single forever. I want to have a husband and a big family. But now is not the time.

For once, I’ve finally accepted that reality and I can’t wait to embrace it until he comes along.


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21-yr-old non-western red pill chick trying to make it out alive in the West. Pro-life. Pro gun. I can be sweet and salty. 50s lover.

2 thoughts on “On Learning from Past Failures”

  1. At the risk of feeding a guy trolling as a girl, I’ll offer this advice:

    You’ll probably have to leave the West to find a traditional and masculine man.

    (And no, I’m not a white nationalist saying, “y’all need to go back to where ya came from.” I’m not white either.)


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