I’ve done a lot of things in the past year and pushed myself outside of my comfort zone. I gave up on sports a while ago and decided to join the fencing team. I also cleared up my skin. I also started up an Instagram and posted more pictures on my Facebook because I used to think I was just plain bad at taking pictures or just not good enough. I also gave up on the idea of online dating because it seemed weird, forced, and just unnatural.
One of the biggest things I really want to develop is my confidence. I always feel like I can’t do X, Y, and Z but then when I try, I really do better than expected.
I guess this sounds like kind of a lame thing to admit on here but I used to hate posting pictures on Facebook especially of myself. I just didn’t really think I was attractive and just felt insecure. I also didn’t want to come off as a narcissist if I posted selfies or anything so I just don’t and still continue to do so. But, this weekend, me and my friend took a bunch of pretty pictures and yeah sure, they didn’t get like 100-200 likes but I loved the way they looked and that’s all that matters. I thought they were aesthetically pleasing to me and I’m glad I can share that with the world even if they don’t get a million likes. And the people that did matter to me liked them too, so that was cool.
I feel like I just need to give myself more of the benefit of the doubt and just get things done without overthinking it because my lack of self-confidence is the reason why people don’t know me, why I can’t take pictures of myself without cringing, and why I can’t necessarily be as extroverted as I usually am especially around people I know well or have known for a while.
Here’s a list of things I want to work on:
- Making more eye contact with people – Eye contact scares me. I don’t like looking at people. It could just be a defense mechanism I’ve developed from living in a city for so long.
- Become a better speaker – I hate public speaking but I want to get better at it
- Get better at doing makeup – I wear lipstick, lip liner, lipgloss, a neutral eyeshadow, and concealer for my undereyes, and curl my eyelashes but I still want to know how to use it to enhance my overall looks
- Get better at taking pictures – I just want to take more pictures till it becomes natural. Being photogenic isn’t a skill I have right now.
- Get better at smiling when taking pictures – I don’t like my smile.
- Get better at fencing and possibly ballet to better my footwork
- Get better at time management – I get so much work done from midnight to 3 and I’m still not good at using my mornings effectively
- Working out – I’ve definitely improved since last year now that I work out 3 days a week but I want to have a consistent workout routine 6 days a week that includes weight training. I also can’t do a proper push-up for the life of me 😦
- Become more well known – I think I’m the kind of person who likes to keep to myself but at times I feel invisible. I want to have a stronger perspective and be more vocal about it without being super annoying. I want to make better aesthetic choices and do things accordingly.
- Be a role model – I want to promote femininity by leading by example and treating men well instead of ranting about how much they suck like many of peers do on Facebook.
- Get better at talking to guys – this stuff just makes me anxious -_-