Things I need to improve on and looking back

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I’ve done a lot of things in the past year and pushed myself outside of my comfort zone. I gave up on sports a while ago and decided to join the fencing team. I also cleared up my skin. I also started up an Instagram and posted more pictures on my Facebook because I used to think I was just plain bad at taking pictures or just not good enough. I also gave up on the idea of online dating because it seemed weird, forced, and just unnatural.

One of the biggest things I really want to develop is my confidence. I always feel like I can’t do X, Y, and Z but then when I try, I really do better than expected.

I guess this sounds like kind of a lame thing to admit on here but I used to hate posting pictures on Facebook especially of myself. I just didn’t really think I was attractive and just felt insecure. I also didn’t want to come off as a narcissist if I posted selfies or anything so I just don’t and still continue to do so. But, this weekend, me and my friend took a bunch of pretty pictures and yeah sure, they didn’t get like 100-200 likes but I loved the way they looked and that’s all that matters. I thought they were aesthetically pleasing to me and I’m glad I can share that with the world even if they don’t get a million likes. And the people that did matter to me liked them too, so that was cool.

I feel like I just need to give myself more of the benefit of the doubt and just get things done without overthinking it because my lack of self-confidence is the reason why people don’t know me, why I can’t take pictures of myself without cringing, and why I can’t necessarily be as extroverted as I usually am especially around people I know well or have known for a while.

Here’s a list of things I want to work on:

  1. Making more eye contact with people – Eye contact scares me. I don’t like looking at people. It could just be a defense mechanism I’ve developed from living in a city for so long.
  2. Become a better speaker – I hate public speaking but I want to get better at it
  3. Get better at doing makeup – I wear lipstick, lip liner, lipgloss, a neutral eyeshadow, and concealer for my undereyes, and curl my eyelashes but I still want to know how to use it to enhance my overall looks
  4. Get better at taking pictures – I just want to take more pictures till it becomes natural. Being photogenic isn’t a skill I have right now.
  5. Get better at smiling when taking pictures – I don’t like my smile.
  6. Get better at fencing and possibly ballet to better my footwork
  7. Get better at time management – I get so much work done from midnight to 3 and I’m still not good at using my mornings effectively
  8. Working out – I’ve definitely improved since last year now that I work out 3 days a week but I want to have a consistent workout routine 6 days a week that includes weight training. I also can’t do a proper push-up for the life of me 😦
  9. Become more well known – I think I’m the kind of person who likes to keep to myself but at times I feel invisible. I want to have a stronger perspective and be more vocal about it without being super annoying. I want to make better aesthetic choices and do things accordingly.
  10. Be a role model – I want to promote femininity by leading by example and treating men well instead of ranting about how much they suck like many of peers do on Facebook.
  11. Get better at talking to guys – this stuff just makes me anxious -_-
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redpillchick

21-yr-old non-western red pill chick trying to make it out alive in the West. Pro-life. Pro gun. I can be sweet and salty. 50s lover.

2 thoughts on “Things I need to improve on and looking back”

  1. Aw I can relate to having felt the way you do when I was late teens and early twenties.

    A few points that are just my opinion:
    Taking lots of selfies really can make a person look narcissistic, and it is a turn off for men looking for someone wife material. Just a few pictures, and ones where someone else takes them, are much more attractive (visually and mentally attractive to other people). I think you’ve got this down already 🙂 And just being aware that it’s unattractive to post a lot of selfies means you’re ahead of the game in understanding – most younger 20’s women don’t understand that.

    All that being said, you will become a lot less self conscious if you accept yourself as being truly loved by God. I saw in your last post that you were trying to figure out which religion you wanted to embrace more – Christianity or Islam. With Christianity, we know how much our God undeniably and so faithfully loves us. It is incredibly once you really realize it. The only way you realize it, is through reading the Bible, slowly, and just little bits at a time. Once you know how much you are utterly loved and a child of God, it is SO much easier to learn to love and accept who you are. This doesn’t mean that you don’t work to improve yourself, part of loving God (for me) is wanting to be the best self I possibly can for Him, so that I can extend out my love to other people, like you ❤ You are so sweet, I read your other post a few days ago and wanted to comment but was so busy, but I read it to my husband, telling him just how awesome and sweet you sound.

    Anyway, a lot of the self consciousness will go away as well, when you start to understand who you are. I find this revelation of myself from my God but also just being honest and saying to myself: well, I'm really good at this, but wow do I ever need to improve at that… or just accepting that certain traits aren't changeable and accepting them or changing them when it's possible for me to do so. It's important to not have your actions completely motivated by what others will think of you. I actually have quite a few people out there that choose to completely misunderstand me, and some even hate me or think I have a "Jezebel spirit." I've found out from older friends that are godly and run very popular websites, that they even have entire websites devoted to mocking their every move and everything they say, down to their looks and even their kids and husband. That started happening to me about this time last year, one woman started devoting her entire blog to mocking and insulting me and my family, and holding on to God and what I know to be true of myself and our family, helped me completely disregard what other people thought and said about us. Seeing older, even more mature awesome friends of mine receive even harsher criticism and hatred helped me understand that I need to completely ignore it.

    So just wanted to warn you about that… once you become "more visible" you will have very nasty, ungodly and hateful people who don't even know you, attack you for seemingly no reason other than that you ARE more visible and working to improve yourself. Many people don't like people like that. They are the same people who hate Martha Stewart, Gwyneth Paltrow, or Lauren Conrad – people with lifestyle blogs that try to have and help others have, a better life.

    With my older friends, reading the websites where people attacked them (random strangers), I found out that their main goal in criticising my friends that were doing so well with life and being a positive influence to others, was to shut them up. They wanted them to stop blogging, stop talking, stop helping others. I think the underlying motive is Satanic, because it's just so ugly. But it really helped to see that these people have no good purpose like they pretend to in "calling out" others (they always seem to pose it in self righteousness), but that their real motive was to intimidate whoever they were criticising into being quiet.

    Like

    1. Hey! Thank you so much for writing this! You seem really sweet and I’m grateful that I have a follower like you!

      I really like your blog and I’m glad that God has given you the strength to continue blogging.

      I agree with what you said about selfies haha! I’m definitely the kind of person who prefers having a couple nice pics on facebook instead of 1000 of the same or 1000 mediocre ones.

      Christianity is a great religion and yeah, it really is about loving yourself and understand that God is merciful and loves you. I just started to read the Bible and it makes me feel wholesome!

      I agree with what you said about visibility. I’m sure a lot of other women see your blog (and your attractive family) and are envious. It’s unfortunate the world we live in and how ppl would rather waste their efforts on something negative than positive.

      Like

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