Being single sucks. I’m not denying that. Any girl who ever enjoys the single life is lying to you.
But, that being said, I do think that being single was the best thing for me in the past year. I’ve definitely learned a lot about myself and it has given me time to reflect.
Truth is, I was really desperate and I really wanted to fall in love but I went about it in the worst way possible. I opened up an online dating account and ended up being overwhelmed with options just like lots of girls and went on tons of dates. Had a thing with one guy and ended up getting cheated on. It ended up killing my self esteem in the end and was a waste of time. All the other guys didn’t want relationships with me and I kinda kept on going on dates with these guys hoping maybe I could complete myself. The more I got desperate, the more frustrated I got and the more I compromised on my standards thinking maybe things could get better.
I realized I needed to change things and just stop the clock and relax. So I did.
I made a list of goals I wanted to improve on and gave myself a year. It was actually around this time of the year when I realized the guy I was with was banging another girl the entire time. I tried to not care and go on dates with this other guy and then he too tried to bang me after we got drunk. I kicked him out and we never talked again.
I realized I wanted to improve pretty much everything about myself. My morals. My values. My body. My acne. My lack makeup skills. My lack of understanding of what femininity is. I decided to give myself a year and it has been a year.
Being single gave me time to focus on myself and I didn’t need any distractions. I got a lot of work done on myself.
I’ve been going to the gym 5-6 times a week now that i’ve been fencing. I got rid of my acne and my skin is clear.
I also realized what I like and I what I don’t like in men. Ideally, I want my man to have enough balls to ask my father out to marry me. A love marriage would be great but an arranged marriage doesn’t seem to bad either because some of these guys in my family are kinda hot.
As for my morals, I quit drinking for the most part. I had three shots this semester and five shots last semester. I never got drunk once in the past year. I never touched a cigarette or smoked weed. I haven’t made out with anyone this semester 🙂 So I’m pretty proud about that!
I also stopped hanging out with the same people which helped me become more feminine. I stopped cursing as much. I definitely spend longer to get ready now and make sure I’m always wearing eyeshadow, concealer, and lipstick/lip gloss.
The biggest changed was my mindset. I had this short term idea that I wanted a boyfriend. Nah, I know I want to be a mommy and wifey and I’m not even scared. I’m going to be turning another yr older and I want to get this part of my life set. I’m ready.
My grades also got better.
I’ve gotten closer to my God and I’ve definitely made more of an effort to pray and read the Quran and thank God for all the things he has given me.
I used to be embarrassed of my heritage, of looking different from all the white kids, of being a Muslim because it all seemed unfamiliar but knowing there were people like me out there living in other parts of the world, I learned to love the parts of me that I didn’t necessarily love before.
I deleted my dating apps. I went from going out on tons of dates to pretty much never going out because I’ve come to terms with my weird situation: that I’m Turkish and Muslim and that I want a Turkish Muslim man that I’m probably not going to meet online but probably through my family. I’ve also gotten closer to my parents and I actually like going home and having their support. Before, I loved every chance I got to be away from them which really ended up sucking. Turns out, I wasn’t a strong, independent woman!
In a way, I’m happier but I also realized this is my life and I have to take accountability for the things I want in my life. The truth hurts but being a red pill girl helped me deal with the realities.
I still need to work on being self-conscious and giving myself more of a chance to do things but I’m making baby steps. I might not have peaked when I was 16-17 but I feel like I’m going to now. I’m ready for my time.