A lot of guys on the manosphere think that they can plow through women without it having any emotional or physical effect on them. I’m not really sure how I feel about that but after dating guys, I’ve definitely noticed a pattern and it’s not pretty.
I used to talk to a guy over the phone and he was Muslim and Kurdish. We did a long distance thing and he wanted to get married. But, he had a lot of red flags. He’d been with a lot of girls and I pretty much found out 3 hours into talking with him. It didn’t take me long to realize that he had a high n count and he bragged about it. I didn’t really understand how a man who apparently wanted marriage could talk about his colorful past but he pretty much brought it up all the time. There was the Colombian girl. There was the beautiful Algerian girl. There was some Iranian girl. It didn’t make me feel good hearing him talk about these other women. I honestly wish I didn’t know that they existed but I swallowed my pride and thought, hey maybe this guy is super masculine and he’s a player but he can totally settle down if he finds the right girl.
But, I gave up on him even though he kept calling me. He obviously was interested in me.
He just came off as way too damaged though. And he was really negative. And very sarcastic. And had a very dark sense of humor. I honestly didn’t want a future husband like that. I don’t expect my man to be a super cheery guy but he just seemed exhausted and sick of woman to the point that he didn’t care how I felt.
And like that, I stopped caring about him too.
There was another guy too. He was in the army and he bright blue eyes. His father was a military man. He wasn’t too short or too tall. Just the right height so that I could kiss him. He too, was damaged. He told me he had been with 15 girls. I never asked for that information. He just told me. He even tried to take off my pants when we were in a parking lot and it was freezing outside and told me all girls want it. He made me feel bad if I didn’t make him food. I felt pressured to do things instead of voluntarily wanting to do them because I loved him.
Eh. I wasn’t into it.
For three months I thought, maybe I could be the 16th girl who makes him happy but what was I thinking? There were already 15 before me who tried.
He too had a really dark sense of humor and had a way of bullshitting me but he too made me feel bad about everything. I’m definitely not the prettiest or sexiest person ever but I’ve never had someone made me feel so bad about myself. His parents were divorced. His sister had issues. He was projecting his negativity onto me as well as all of his negative experiences with his past girls.
I did some thinking and figured, maybe he wouldn’t have had as many bad experiences with women if he didn’t try to get with a lot of girls. I also wondered why I had to be responsible for the fact that the girl in high school dumped him or some Turkish girl he was into wasn’t reciprocating just because I was the same gender as those girls.
That’s when I realized, these men weren’t worth it. Because for however unattainable or masculine they might have seemed, falling in love with someone who made me feel more anxious was a burden not worth investing for.
I do think men can have too much experience. I don’t think men are stoic robots. I think they have feelings even if they express it differently than women. I think men can be with multiple women but even they too have a cutoff and can become damaged whereas women tend to be more monogamous, are more sensitive and can become damaged faster if they give up sex so easily.
I hope that God gives me a man who honestly hasn’t been with too many women. I’m not exactly sure what too many means but I definitely don’t want some damaged playboy. Some people say that having lots of women is a prerequisite to masculinity but some men can have too many bad experiences which can kill their future hope.
May God save us all xx