Men can have too much experience

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A lot of guys on the manosphere think that they can plow through women without it having any emotional or physical effect on them. I’m not really sure how I feel about that but after dating guys, I’ve definitely noticed a pattern and it’s not pretty.

I used to talk to a guy over the phone and he  was Muslim and Kurdish. We did a long distance thing and he wanted to get married. But, he had a lot of red flags. He’d been with a lot of girls and I pretty much found out 3 hours into talking with him. It didn’t take me long to realize that he had a high n count and he bragged about it. I didn’t really understand how a man who apparently wanted marriage could talk about his colorful past but he pretty much brought it up all the time. There was the Colombian girl. There was the beautiful Algerian girl. There was some Iranian girl. It didn’t make me feel good hearing him talk about these other women. I honestly wish I didn’t know that they existed but I swallowed my pride and thought, hey maybe this guy is super masculine and he’s a player but he can totally settle down if he finds the right girl.

But, I gave up on him even though he kept calling me. He obviously was interested in me.

He just came off as way too damaged though. And he was really negative. And very sarcastic. And had a very dark sense of humor. I honestly didn’t want a future husband like that. I don’t expect my man to be a super cheery guy but he just seemed exhausted and sick of woman to the point that he didn’t care how I felt.

And like that, I stopped caring about him too.

There was another guy too. He was in the army and he bright blue eyes. His father was a military man. He wasn’t too short or too tall. Just the right height so that I could kiss him. He too, was damaged. He told me he had been with 15 girls. I never asked for that information. He just told me. He even tried to take off my pants when we were in a parking lot and it was freezing outside and told me all girls want it. He made me feel bad if I didn’t make him food. I felt pressured to do things instead of voluntarily wanting to do them because I loved him.

Eh. I wasn’t into it.

For three months I thought, maybe I could be the 16th girl who makes him happy but what was I thinking? There were already 15 before me who tried.

He too had a really dark sense of humor and had a way of bullshitting me but he too made me feel bad about everything. I’m definitely not the prettiest or sexiest person ever but I’ve never had someone made me feel so bad about myself. His parents were divorced. His sister had issues. He was projecting his negativity onto me as well as all of his negative experiences with his past girls.

I did some thinking and figured, maybe he wouldn’t have had as many bad experiences with women if he didn’t try to get with a lot of girls. I also wondered why I had to be responsible for the fact that the girl in high school dumped him or some Turkish girl he was into wasn’t reciprocating just because I was the same gender as those girls.

That’s when I realized, these men weren’t worth it. Because for however unattainable or masculine they might have seemed, falling in love with someone who made me feel more anxious was a burden not worth investing for.

I do think men can have too much experience. I don’t think men are stoic robots. I think they have feelings even if they express it differently than women. I think men can be with multiple women but even they too have a cutoff and can become damaged whereas women tend to be more monogamous, are more sensitive and can become damaged faster if they give up sex so easily.

I hope that God gives me a man who honestly hasn’t been with too many women. I’m not exactly sure what too many means but I definitely don’t want some damaged playboy. Some people say that having lots of women is a prerequisite to masculinity but some men can have too many bad experiences which can kill their future hope.

May God save us all xx

 

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redpillchick

21-yr-old non-western red pill chick trying to make it out alive in the West. Pro-life. Pro gun. I can be sweet and salty. 50s lover.

5 thoughts on “Men can have too much experience”

  1. I think with men it’s more nuanced than actual numbers, due to differences in approaches. Women who sleep around are typically sleeping with the sort of man they want to be married to. There are even studies showing that we overestimate a cad’s parenting abilities when we’re ovulating. Thus, almost every guy a woman sleeps with is her “prince charming” type. Naturally, when enough princes turn back into frogs, a woman becomes disillusioned.

    On the other hand, most men who sleep around are sleeping with “whores”, not “madonnas”, ie, they love the women, in their own way, but do not see them as great partners and parents. If a man convinces himself that there are no madonnas, or that whores make great mothers, then he too can end up disillusioned very quickly. But for most men who maintain a healthier outlook there is an understanding that when he’s ready to settle down he can and will find a woman unlike the others.

    Your guy had fallen into the camp of assuming there were no madonnas, that no woman isn’t a whore, not just at heart but in her day to day life. On the other hand, I’m married to a man with a high count and he actively excluded the whores from his dating pool for years in order to find a woman worth having children with. It depends what the man’s outlook is, whether it breaks him or not.

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    1. “Women who sleep around are typically sleeping with the sort of man they want to be married to.”

      Women sleep around with men then think they want to be married to. We all subconsciously know the fuckboy is the fuckboy but we do it anyway because feelz are always more important than the realz.

      I agree that more men than women aren’t as affected by having lots of bad experiences but even if their threshold is higher, that doesn’t mean than men are invincible.

      There are tons of damaged men out there. And they aren’t helping themselves.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It’s true there are damaged men, but I think their threshold has more to do with their initial mental stability than with a notch count. Many virginal Christian husbands also fall into the trap of idealizing women and becoming disappointed and display the same insecurities and obsessiveness with sex as many men with very high counts do. There are plenty of more normal guys in that camp as well. Likewise, there are men in both groups who view sex as just another aspect to life and relationships. It’s all about the original framework.

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  2. my initial thoughts on this topic:

    men have to ACHIEVE masculinity. that means, in order to feel masculine, act masculine, and believe in his own masculinity, a man has to achieve certain things, conquer certain things, and climb certain mountains. that includes achieving sexual power and prowess by sleeping with enough women.

    women, for the most part, have to PROTECT their femininity. it’s almost like the complete opposite challenge. protecting is maybe even harder than achieving. there is a lot of temptation out there, and a lot of sharks. this is why, obviously, sleeping around is damaging to a woman.

    but to a man? probably not. it’s part of his hero’s journey.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Good post. And I’d have to agree with you on this. I’ve met guys who are masculine but because of traumatic things that have happened (like they saw their father killed), they might come off as hyper-masculine to me and just talking about girls they’ve fucked 24/7 and really not being able to settle down. To me, that’s damaging. I think men have a breaking point so whereas a man is able to have sex with maybe 50 women before getting damaged while a woman will be damaged after dating maybe a few guys.

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