Why I’m Scared to be an Independent Woman

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It was my last night being a junior in college. I had a party in my room. We had some great conversations over pizza and beers.

When my friend left, she asked me if I needed any help cleaning up any of the trash cans. I just felt bad. I didn’t want to tell her I was vulnerable or that I needed help and she said, “Wow you’re so independent.”

I didn’t really think much of it but to be honest, I’ve always been very independent.

My parents immigrated to America. I always did my own thing because I don’t think they always knew what was best for me even though they were always very supportive. I always figured how to do things my own way because I had lots of problems and I just never really ended up liking how other people did things. I’ve probably been in a hundred groups and participated in tons of group projects and every time, I’m always the one initiating, getting the group together, and leading the group.

To be honest, I always felt like people disappointed me and I really only ever did have myself to get the job done well and properly.

And, I always felt like I put in a lot more effort than everyone else. I honestly could never be the submissive one in the group. I always had an opinion. I always wanted the best grade. I am and always was very ambitious and driven.

But when I came to college and wanted to get a man, I realized early on I couldn’t be the one asking the guy out on dates. I also couldn’t kiss guys first either because they stopped liking me if I did and lost interest. I realized I needed to stop being more aggressive.

For a while, I thought being aggressive helped but really, it did nothing for me. I thought by putting myself out there and opening more online dating profiles and by asking more guys out, I was doing myself a favor. After all, how was I supposed to get a guy?

I never thought a guy could come up to me and want me. I didn’t really understand how a girl is supposed to just sit around and wait for someone to ask her out. I also really didn’t understand what I was supposed to do before I get asked out. Am I just supposed to be single? Am I just supposed to wait and do nothing.

Being an “independent” woman makes me feel scared. I feel vulnerable. I feel scared because even though I want to get a job and do well for myself financially, I know men don’t care. In my family though, being a doctor is a huge SMV boost.

I don’t want to end up 28 and single. I want to take care of kids because that is my passion in life but I want to make my husband and my family a priority. I don’t want to fuck random hot guys even if I know I can have them sexually but can’t have them commit. I also don’t really want to be a feminist, independent woman.

But I also don’t think that girls shouldn’t be told to accomplish nothing and just hang around for a man to sweep in and marry her because that’s absolutely pathetic.  I don’t think we live in a world where that’s still possible in western society. Sure, I know of some housewives in my family where the woman stays at home and cooks and cleans while the husband earns about 1 mil a year as a cardiac surgeon but the chances of me landing that kind of deal are slim to none.

In my family, I have a cousin who graduated college and didn’t really do much and got a husband who also didn’t really do much. My other cousin got married yesterday at 28 and is a successful lawyer and ended up marrying a well-off general physician.

I still think my other cousin has it better but I’m not too sure if I want to wait till I’m 28. That seems eons away.

I guess life is about balance, anyway.

xx

HG

 

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Published by

redpillchick

21-yr-old non-western red pill chick trying to make it out alive in the West. Pro-life. Pro gun. I can be sweet and salty. 50s lover.

10 thoughts on “Why I’m Scared to be an Independent Woman”

  1. Hi there red chick pill,

    Interesting insights into your life, thoughts, goals and desires. Wouldn’t mind getting to know more of you.

    Want to connect online?

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I noticed you haven’t posted in a while. Your articles are different from what i read anyways i was curious about you. How did you come into the realization that you have to embrace your feminine side?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’ve been busy but thanks for reading!

      I realized when I embraced my femininity, people treated me better and wanted to be around me. I ended up having more girl friends, guys respected me and asked me out on dates, and people liked my style, the fact that I didn’t curse and had standards.

      Like

  3. Wow you replied faster than some people i text haha. It’s interesting you think this way because many girls that i’ve tried to introduce these concepts to, always reject the ideas. Its very hard to get a girl to understand these concepts and it’s something i’d rather avoid because it can be a lot of work. I’m really looking forward to reading more by you because it’s a unique perspective coming from a girl’s point of view.

    Like

    1. haha yeah im a fast typer. to be fair, i was introduced to TRP with a guy who told me pretty controversial stuff and said he hated women who couldn’t even boil an egg on the first date. i was kinda intimidated and it made me live up to his standards even though he was a douche at the end. i wouldn’t introduce to it a girl – i would just set the standard and subtly make fun of girls who can’t cook. before you know it, she’ll cook for you.

      Like

      1. Hmm interesting. I’ll give that a try next time haha. Do you have an e-mail that i can use to contact you?

        Like

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