When I was 17 years old and entering college, I’ll be honest with you – I had no idea what I was doing. This was the first time in my life I had to live with roommates who I didn’t know, do my own laundry, clean up my entire room, and be expected to be completely responsible for myself.
As for guys, I never dated anyone in high school. I didn’t even go to prom.
I grew up in a pretty conservative household and “dating” wasn’t an option. I never really even talked to boys in high school or had male friends.
My parents would always buy clothes for me until I was in college and I was pretty much stuck wearing Converses, long-sleeve t-shirts, and jeans. Of course, I could have put in more effort into my appearance but my parents didn’t really let me wear anything revealing like shorts so I just didn’t even bother buying nicer clothes.
I don’t really think I was really even attractive to boys back then. I didn’t know how to be feminine or really even talk to them let alone flirt.
So, by the time I got to college, I had to figure out the answer to a lot of these things:
-How do I talk to boys and make them like me?
-What should I do about my appearance to be attractive to men?
-How do I carry myself so guys like me?
-What should I do if a guy wants to have sex with me? How do I get him to like me without having sex with him?
Since I grew up in a pretty conservative household, I figured that I didn’t want to sleep with every guy I met or every guy I went on a date with. I wasn’t raised with those values so sleeping around wasn’t really an option.
But then what do I do about guys who were buying me dinner, seemed genuinely into me, and could be boyfriend material?
I still remember the first week of college. I was living in a co-ed dorm and I was meeting tons of guys.
That following Friday, a cute Jewish guy asked me out on a date. I accepted. He took me out to a nice Indian restaurant. It was quite lovely! I never been on a date before then. He even paid for my meal. I was so shocked that men do things like that. I thought I had to pay. I told him he was sweet and then we went our separate ways but we continued to text each other throughout the year.
But he wasn’t the only guy who wanted to take my out on dates. There were about 5 other guys like him. I never entertained the option to date other guys while I was dating him because it would just seem too overwhelming and I wanted to just be with that guy so I could give him a fair chance to know him.
Turns out, the cute Jewish boy ended up getting into a fraternity and was loaded with $$$. He took a lot of girls out on dates just like me and when I found out, 17-year-old me was pretty defeated.
I thought I was special. I thought I was amazing. I was so honored to go out on a date with him. I’m glad we never did anything. We never even kissed so I didn’t feel bad about going out on dates even though I did feel slightly cheated.
For any girl who is 17-21 reading this or for any father who has a daughter within that age range or younger (since I know Americans date even in high school), I would strongly recommend that you do not sleep with anyone during these years for several reasons.
- The guy you meet could be dating other women and not too serious. When I was 17, I was dating other 17-year-old guys. To be fair, 17-year-olds aren’t trustworthy and you really have no idea what is going on in their heads. You can’t even trust yourself because you probably don’t even know what you’re doing.
- The guy you meet is probably not the one you want to spend the rest of your life with. Sure, some of you might have high school sweethearts and have been together for several years. I’m not really sure what you would do in those situations but I have many friends who are graduating college now and have broken up with the guys they’ve been seeing since freshman year. Honestly, I don’t know why you would want to be invested in someone so much at such a young age, but hey, you do you.
- You don’t even know what you want. This takes time and sure, we all want someone who looks like Channing Tatum but we’re still developing and we don’t even know who we are let alone what we’re eating for dinner tomorrow night.
- The guy you meet can and will use your sex. If you’re 17-21, you’re a hot young thang, in your prime. Why use your beauty just so some dirtbag will not even respect you the morning after? Use your beauty wisely, on men who really want you for the long run.
- You will regret it if it doesn’t work out. You’ll hate yourself and have a wine night with your friends sobbing over why Rob didn’t text you back the morning after. Not only did you ruin your evening, Rob probably never cared about you and is hooking up with someone new. Why go through all of this? Seems a bit pointless!
- You might end up hating all men because of one douchecanoe. So you ended up doing things with a guy and it didn’t work out so you decide to chop off your hair or do something else that’s super self-destructive? Don’t put yourself through that and yes, not all men are evil.
- You get a reputation for being a hoe. This probably doesn’t happen if you sleep with one guy but I do know of girls who were caught sleeping with the wrong guy and were branded as hoes or sluts which is totally unfair. Life sucks. Be careful. Don’t do this to yourself and ruin your identity. People always wanna see you fall.
So now you’re probably wondering: Well, I’m in my prime. I want to have fun, I don’t want to deal with guys screwing me over or using me for sex, but I also want to get to know them better. What do I do?
The answer is simple: Date men but do not sleep with them. This is not easy though because most men at some point, especially after the third date will want to have sex with you. If you don’t give them that, they will probably leave.
But guess what, ladies? If he leaves you for not having sex with him, good for you! You have eliminated a douchecanoe who will never be part of your future and that’s okay. It is okay to not have sex with him. He probably didn’t care about you that much anyway. Keep a good head on your shoulders and eliminate these men wisely.
Another tactic that I used to survive the last four years was that if a guy pressured to have sex with me, I told them they could sleep with other women while I went out on dates with him.
I did this for men who I was on the fence about and didn’t really know if I saw a future with (which was all the guys I went out on dates with). I figured if sex was so important to a guy, then I’d let them have it but I just didn’t want to go through the trouble of figuring out if he would use me or not.
So I would continue to go out on dates with him, figure out what I liked and disliked about him, and further develop my list of things I wanted in a future man.
Anyway, I knew at the end of the day, I would probably not end up marrying any of these men but I still wanted to develop my dating skills and figure out how to take care of men, treat men with respect on these dates, and figure out who these men were as people. I used these dates as training sessions for the future man that I’m saving myself for. I also baked and cooked for these guys which helped better those skills too.
I think a lot of young women are in this position and to be honest, I think most of us don’t realize that we do not have to sleep with tons of guys to figure out if he likes us or not. Men will always want sex from you. It is your prerogative as to whether you want to give it to him.
Choose wisely xx